被人出卖的感觉。。。 朋友？情敌？

此时此刻，我的心情，真的很难用言语可以表达的出。
我心爱的EEVEE在才刚离开我，我本应该是因为她而伤透了心。EEVEE，我永远会爱你，永远会记得你，你是唯一的EEVEE，是独一无二的，希望你未来的路，都可以很顺心。 我很想念你 。

然而，我现在却为了其他事情，而烦透了心，伤了一次又一次。事情的发生，就在我刚刚失去EEVEE的时候，我原本是打算只叫冰来配我，无可否认，我是很喜欢她的。可是现在她却成为了我在APIIT的好兄弟之一女朋友。

就用Z来代替我这个朋友吧。在一开始的时候，他知道很多人都喜欢冰的，可是那时的他却说要帮我们，所以去靠近了冰。然后日久了，Z开始对冰动情了。我和另外个朋友都觉得有警告Z的必要，所以我们对他说，“你们玩到将子，小心等下玩出火来”。 然后他的回答“放心啦，不可能的啦 ！”接着Z就说些类似冰有很多不好之处的话。可是日子渐渐的过，他们越玩越close。可以说我眼红，但是Z现在已经开始在对我炫耀他和冰有多亲密之类的事，但是我真的很难受。在这个时候的Z已经喜欢上冰了。

在我的角度，我的确觉得自己被出卖了，被背叛了，然而Z还不断的在我们面前说到自己多么的珍惜友情。这真让我觉得Z这个人，是多么的假，多么的虚伪。他这么做真让我会联想到Z他是否重一开始就喜欢上冰了呢？ 但是就算是又如何？ 如今的他已经抱到美人归了。

无可否认，如果没有Ｚ，我和冰也不会变成现在将好朋友，但是感激归感激，道义还是要讲的！　Ｚ这样做的确是非常很没道义的做法，这更让我觉得Ｚ他很攻心计。难道，Ｚ重一开始的目的就是这个？但是如今我如果去找冰说这些的话，只会让她觉得我为什么要这样讲我的朋友，为什么要这样的中伤他？（很明显，冰对他已经有感觉了，因为冰，你对他。。。偏心了！）

为了这些事，我去找他谈，也许该用骂比较适合。 我只是很想让他知道，如果你知道你爱上冰会带来这么多的问题，在你的感觉开始萌苗的时候，是否就该停止了呢？ 骂了之后，我的心的确轻松了很多，好像把一大堆的不满一次过发泄出来。 也就因为这样，他才会去向冰表白，而他也成功了。

如今的冰，已经是我这位朋友Z的女朋友了，我很辛苦，很辛苦的不断不断的在提醒自己，不可以对冰有非分之想。但我心里面的痛，有谁会明白？有谁会了解？ 以后的我，还会不断的看着他们有多亲密，看到他们有多sweet。我的心到底还可以顶多少次的伤害啊~！

Last day of 2011

well... today its the last day for the year 2011, lets see what i have done in this year. hmm... in the beginning i've got a gf, but yet until now i still don't know its whos problem that break us up, anyway its doesn't really matters anymore, cause i dont give a $h!t alrd.

i have a wonderful birthday inviting my kepong frens + apiit frens to my house and have a bbq party , woot that was nicee ~ but yet, organizing a bbq events its tiring.

of cause, this year i meet quite a number of new frens, they were all nice , but maybe some have their own thought in their own heart so its hard to guess, but as long as they didn't hurts me, i don't really care also :)

well... i successfully proceed to level 3, and i suppose to be hard working to get my 2nd upper class, but maybe because of those holiday or what i just don't really feels like studying, therefore this will be one of my main aims to achieve in the coming year 2012, studyy hard dude, u must get ur 2nd upper!

hmm... well, around the end of this years i have decide to change myself a little, trying to transform myself into a girls magnet, or maybe at least girls won't be scared away by me again. so 1st of i will have to train myself to communicate well with them, still working in progress and i believe in the coming year i will get it done as well.

well.. ice is moving to new building in this coming year, so i guess i would rarely see her again, i'm gonna miss u ice :(

so the aim for 2012:
- study hard and graduate with good grade or better yet get an 2nd upper
- train my communication skill, not to only impress girls but everyone in the world
- read more books, or i should say finish a book
- motivate myself, do what i should done, do not what i shouldn't
- make use of money wisely, do not simply buy stuff without considering
- find some part-time job to work for, earn some cash for my own use
- get a girlfriend :)


... *to be added*

so in the end, good bye to this sad yet beautiful year of 2011.
welcome my great 2012, its the year of dragon, let me unleashed my force, my power, my wisdom!
happy new yearrr !!! to whom who read this post, wish u have a wonderful 2012 year and all the best :D

i am so tired~!

well.. indeed, last night was a very very fun night advance Christmas dinner for my college mate, but yet, i am actually tired of making them laugh, i am tired of doing stupid thing in front of all people. I am so tired, so exhausted that i could barely awake here, what happen to me? where is my OWNself? i think i lost it, since when? i am not sure. but i all i know is i have been wearing a mask for too long already, long enough that makes me lost myself, i don't know where or how to find back myself, i am depressed ! well... if i told my college friends that i am tired being like a SH last night, they will all just say its because of ICE( a girl who i wanted to get close with but in the end failed) but seriously, i just don't think so. its not because of anyone, its me myself that feels tired, physically, mentally. to be exact, its my hearts feels tired, tired of getting laugh by all people, tired of getting fools by others, tired of being alone when everybody is there and enjoying the party. not to say that i am not enjoyed, but yet just tired, its the inner part of my feels tired, that is the hardest part to get cure. and there must be a reason why i have been doing all these stuff right? and its silly, its because of alone also. if i did not join then for having fun, and sit there alone drinking beer they will say i am EMO, lol... c'mon dude, i am just tired ok ~! i guess that the problem, if i has been sitting alone there not joining anyone there, no people will come to be and talks with me either, i mean they won't come and join me there, and that is the feeling of lonely in a party, i do not want to be alone, therefore i choose to be a clown for them, to get attraction from them, but yet clown is just a part-timer, he will get tired anyway. people's just don't thinks that way, they thought "you are a clown, to make people's happy is your job, and also your professionalism", so this is what i am best of? making fun of me? or i make laughter for u guys there? i just want to be a normal people.

过去的~

过去的，就让她过去，我要努力的朝向我的新生活出发。对不起，如果我做的太绝的话，因为你的出现会让我很难释怀。我看到你，我就会停下脚步，我看到你，我即使不在意的我又八卦了起来，对你的事又感兴趣起来了。从现在开始，我会回避你，逃避你，尽管 别人怎么说，我都会这样做。你可以不睬我，恨我，讨厌我，什么都好，对不起，这次我是不会回头了。我已经把你facebook的news update隐藏了，把你的信息都删除了，也把我们的合照从这blog删除了。原因是，我的武功实在不够高强，还是没办法视而不见，听而不闻。对不起，这是我到最后都想对你说的话。
这。。。将会是关于你的最后一个心情故事。祝福你，再见。

关于TJ和Evelyn的故事，到此，结束。

我好想。。。

25/11/2011 星期五

刚刚和朋友在戏院看完[那些年，我们一起追过的女孩]，有点感触，有点伤感，有一种感觉在我心里面回绕着，却不懂得怎么形容。看了这戏后，感觉上让我明白了一些事情，也让我感到百感交触。也许我自己也懂了，却装不懂，装作看不见。
我其实一直爱着的，都是[微]，重来都没变过心。我看着那戏的结局时，女主角和他人结婚，不是跟男主角的那一幕，我很自然的把自己化入了男主角的位子。眼睁睁的看着心爱的哪个女生，和另个男生牵着手步入晚宴的那一段，我有种身同感受，这。。。会是给我的预言吗？是在给我有的心里准备吗？看到哪里时我的心会痛，但却跟男主角一样，渐渐的微笑了起来。那种感觉真的很真实，有点好像“事情就摆在眼前”的感觉。是否我的命运，会与戏中的男主角一样，看着心爱的女生嫁给别人？也许把。。。
除此之外，戏中有很多对白都是你对我说过的，每一句，我都记得。只要一听到，我就会很自然的想起了，你。
[微]，你。。。过的好吗？

想说~

最近我其实有很多东西想说，想写，但到最后还是没写到。可能懒了吧，也许累了吧，算了吧~！

错~

自造孽，不可活。

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